It was about five years ago. I had just gotten out of a long term/serious relationship with my first love and then he came along. He is the guy with all the confidence in the world. A rare creature in a day in age where insecurity reigns supreme. Confidence boy is the type of guy that comes up to you while your sitting with a group of other women (intimidating to most men), yet he knows he’s interested, has confidence in himself, and struts on over and hits on you right in front of your friends, as if they aren’t sitting right there watching him in a jaw-dropping-gaze. You’re blown away by his balls (figuratively, not literally honey) and wonder: if he was able to approach you like it was no one else’s business, what else is this man-of-all-men capable of?
Well, I wanted to figure it out. So though I played coy/hard to get/uninterested, I started entertaining the idea of him and I and then I pulled out my confidence card (when in Rome, right?) and called him. We ended up dating until I moved to New York, but even while I was in New York, this guys confidence stuck in my head. When I appeared on ‘Maxim Radio’, the host asked me how a guy can get me to say yes to a date. My answer: Confidence, and I shared the story above.
We all spend so much time talking about deal breakers and turn offs and how guys can lose us by doing specific ‘red flag’ type things, but we (and by we I mean relationship writers and experts) rarely seem to discuss the sorts of things that are deal makers. Confidence, is a deal maker.
So why revisit ‘Confidence Boy’ and his allure now, you ask? Because I’ve been noticing that a man of this calibre is a hidden gem. Which makes me wonder, are confident women a hidden gem as well? We are blonde, we are bronzed, and we are twentysomething. This should be our finest hour! We are what we tell ourselves. So the question that begs to be asked is, what are you telling yourself? Below is where the lack of confidence creeps in, and i’ll be using men as an example (for your reading pleasure).
A guy opposite of ‘Confidence Boy’ is the one who is sort of living a facade. He is:
- indecisive: unsure about himself and is incapable of ‘owning’ his decisions because he doesn’t think his thoughts and feelings have weight and value. He is therefore all over the place, saying one thing and doing another. Think: Spencer Pratt.
- always running late: he doesn’t feel comfortable in his own skin so it takes him a long time to get ready, and his bedroom floor has a pile of clothes on it comparable to the pile in our change room when the new Fall collections start coming out.
- making excuses: since he’s all over the place he can’t keep his story straight. He is the kind of guy that can’t tell friends he’s having a bad day and want’s to back out of plans because he’s concerned how they would think of him, so instead he makes excuses as he diffuses his responsibility.
The traits listed above are common in both men and women alike. As cute-as-a-button as we are, it’s not possible or realistic to always be on our ‘A Game’. If you notice yourself thinking of all the bad and not taking in and reflecting the good, there’s no better time than now to become aware.
Start noticing pleasant moments in your days. What makes you smile? What makes you feel good? What makes you radiate? Be concious of these feelings and then use them to put yourself in a confident state. Like breeds like, so don’t be surprised if your newly found confidence magnetically pulls in one of the same. If you embrace the love in yourself and for yourself, the rest will follow suit.
- Jenny Jen