The Aftermath

The dynamic of relationships that change over time is an awfully sad thing. How bizarre it is to go from using pet names to – for the first time – calling them but their actual given name. How weird it is to waver one anothers time, when you were once the person they gave every minute to, no matter what. It’s sad to see a demise to a relationship, especially when you know just how well you meshed and worked together, once upon a time. The contrast of interaction from the then to the now so evident, so felt in your heart and that pit in your stomach.

When it comes to break ups, there are no rights or wrongs. There is only following what you feel down to your core is the appropriate way to go about things. Some couples end things cold turkey, never looking back, no option for closure. Other couples break up, but remain cordial and over time develop a new found friendship, often which leads back to a more enriched relationship and them getting back together when they least expect it. It’s often quite the confusing of times as you try to go about dealing with the aftermath. Confusion arises as you’re unsure whether to trust your instincts, not sure if your words or messages will get read into, unsure whether backing off for a bit will be better off for the one broken up with, or whether you should continue to be a part of their lives so they know a part of you still cares. As we try to navigate through this time, the best piece of advice is do what you think is best and make sure that you act in a graceful way, which you won’t regret down the road, as you remember this was once a person you shared a deep love and bond with. Friends can advise, but as we all know, each friend has something different to say and we might subconsciously go to certain friends in hopes to get certain advice. But in order to have no regrets with how you choose to deal with the aftermath of a split, it’s important to trust your own intuition and act accordingly.

No matter which side of the breakup spectrum you have found yourself, one thing is for certain: the dynamic is no longer what once was. Coordinating getting your things back turns into formal, business-like emails, texts and bbm’s become sparse, your D’s going R’d without that immediate message back that you have come to know. Instead of being accommodating and sincere, it becomes each man for himself, both of you trying to gain a sense of control over the situation neither of you wished you were in in the first place. You set time lines (ie: we can meet for a 15-20 minute coffee, or, you can come get your stuff on this specific hour on this specific day and that’s that), you set boundaries, you un-do promises and your word which you once gave. We spend so much time post heartbreak trying to analyze the why’s, when we should spend more time looking at how our former partner handles themselves and our own actions and word’s during this time as well. For it is how people handle these stressful, uncomfortable, and challenging situations where they really show their true colours. Everything is all well and rosy when together, but how you both shade you handle and deal of and with each other after the fact is what really speaks words for what was and for what might be down the road. Use this time to be the best you you can be.

- Jenny Jen

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