You’re sitting side-by-side with your bestie as you both get manicures. You know you have at least 45 minutes or so to swap stories of your past week. You get ready to divulge all (well almost all) of the details of the date you went on with you-know-who and fill her in on the other guys in your life as well.
Do you ever catch yourself playing editor while sharing these stories, leaving out details out of fear that you will be judged or, out of shame? Do you catch yourself radio editing your stories?
My readers, fans and acquaintances often come to me for my expert opinion in the realm of dating. In order to advise them properly to help them obtain their ideal outcome, I have the tell me the following details about the men or women they want advice on, including:
- a summary about who the person is
- their history
- their present
I use this information to help determine where the person seeking the advice went wrong, and based on their history with the other person determine how to get them out of the situation, with the happy ending they are seeking.
When specific details aren’t shared in the story telling process, it makes it impossible to give accurate advice. Sure, when the date came to an end the guy could have said a simple one-liner that totally threw you off, but no matter how great a date is, that one line could explain it all.
I’ve caught myself withholding some details from friends, which I thought weren’t the most becoming, but in doing so, I’ve realized I’ve done myself a disservice. Things aren’t always perfect; if they were we wouldn’t have to run to friends for advice out of self-doubt.
Count on friends who won’t judge you, so you don’t have to radio edit your stories. Have you ever heard a hit single on iTunes, after previously hearing it numerous times on the radio? Though expletive at times – the full version of the song puts everything into context. Such is the same in your life. The more detailed your story is, the more reliable the advice will be that you’re getting in return.
- Jenny Jen