Never too late

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Much like what happens when your birthday comes around,
tis the season where we begin to rethink our decisions of the past year
where we see where we are, and think of where we want to be.
if the situation you’re in isn’t leading you to your goal
leave it and work on the work you need to do, to be fully complete.

12/27 is my luckiest day of the year
i’d shame myself the past fews years when nothing of note happened.
yesterday, i decided to reframe
i looked at it with fresh eyes.
it’s not about luck, you see
but manifesting what you want + putting it out there
reframing, then doing the work

life is ever-changing and it’s ok to change your mind, your path, your story.
just know, you’re always in control should you want to be.

as I get older, and older I’m getting
my wants and needs and expectations – in both others and myself – changes.
what I wanted this time last year, is different then my wants now
call it a Gemini state of mind,
call it living through yet another year around the sun and learning through experience
experience of the heart, trials and tribulations, successes and failures
lost time, wasted time
time that slips through my fingertips
tick tock, says the clock
and nothing changes, and so the story goes.

lately I’ve struggled with where I’m at physically and mentally
I used to be much stronger,
maintaining an active daily yoga practice from anywhere from 60-150 minutes a day.
and yet, I don’t know the last time I challenged my body,
sharpened my mind by just being, in a meditative state.

yesterday I looked in the mirror, content with what I saw, but not proud
spaces and places within my strong-tough-as-a-rock body are a little more padded
clothes a little tighter than what once was.
i caught myself in a dangerous cycle of thought,
telling myself how hard it will be to start a practice anew
how ill-equipped i am after taking time off thanks to injuries, than out of routine

how long it will take to develop the strength in my mind, bones, body and being to get back to where I was once a warrior on the mat
a warrior in life,
a warrior in love, in work, as a whole.

the idea of getting back to being where I was with my flexibility and strength seems laughable, unobtainable, impossible
and it was in that negative, self-judgemental criticism
i decided,
it’s time

time to hit the reset and start over
to be born anew
to get back on the mat and in the drivers seat
and be my own biggest fan
to take control of my life and livelihood
to accept where I’m at, instead of judging my decisions
on how I got here, a train to nowhere

and not just when it comes to my practice,
but in ways of the heart and work and independence and
what i’m putting into my body
removing toxins and what’s toxic
creating a new pattern, what once was.

it’s never too late, you see
to accept and acknowledge where you are,
to actively work to change your circumstances
I’m talking that hard work, that feels hella uncomfortable and crunchy at first
but is necessary for you to move forward,
instead of remaining stagnant
instead of feeling less than
instead of knowing what you’re capable of,
then doing Just That.

because it all comes down to you,
you, who’s always in control
if only you take that uncomfortable first step
that feels so foreign and difficult
to put the wheels in motion
to re-write your story
that honours your very being,
making you the hero in the end
and not the victim.

last year i made no resolutions for the new year,
and my year was evidence of just that.
this is not acceptable, you see
because a warrior i am, and i expect more from myself
as we all should, because we have breath right now
and we don’t know for how long we will
so let’s strive to do our best, and be our best
to create a life with livelihood and goals and to not accept anything short of what we so very much deserve,
unconditional love.

– jen

Photo credit.

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