It happens to many of us. We are in pure, unadulterated bliss with a boy who is as excited to see us as we are him. We partake in that ‘no you hang up’/’no you hang up’ back and forth banter at the end of our phone calls, and saying goodbye to them (even though we know we’re going to see them by dinner time) is as if we’re suddenly in the early 1900’s sending off our fighters to war, uncertain if we’ll ever see them again. So it’s safe to say, we’re happy. We’re also smitten and all the other positive adjectives we can think of.
Then it comes through to our phone while sitting at our work desk: a message from your old him. You know, the same one who you – at one point in time – felt these exact same things with. And though you have a current him, you respect what you and old him shared, and so you have to make the grand decision: to delete or to respond.
If you delete you may offend old him, if you respond you may offend both.
The “it” I’m referring to could be any variations of the all so typical list below:
- a birthday message
- a ‘i just saw something that reminded me of you’ message
- an ‘i’m moving to your city and was hoping to get some reco’s of places to move to’ message
- a ‘i won’t tell if you don’t tell’ booty call type of message
- a ‘that program you always told me I should apply for/that job you always pushed me to get’ I got, type message
- an ‘I want you back’ type message
I often wonder why now? Why is this message coming through at this very moment? Could it be that this person was triggered by something or someone? If so, what was that trigger? Perhaps they are just lonely, maybe even regretful.
I once dated someone who – on his birthday – got a private Facebook message from his ex. It was sweet, simple and I wasn’t bothered at all. I appreciated the fact that she wanted to wish him the best. I knew we were happy and I wasn’t threatened. But him writing back more than a thank you bothered me. In fact, he wrote back a novelesque response making reference to her siblings and other inside jokes. Completely unnecessary.
So here are my thoughts for when a message from your ex comes your way: Notice those kind gestures, but leave it at that. Why would you respond back? To be nice? To confuse and infuriate your current partner? Show everyone how mature you are and don’t fall for the need to partake in back and forth Facebook private messages/emails/texts etc. See that responding is only posing a problem for your current moment. The same one they made a concious decision to not be a part of.
Too little too late, X.
- Jenny Jen
(Picture above taken by Baneful & Beautiful)