Background Sounds

I didn’t think it would come to this, but the fact is the case of the background sounds has managed to creep it’s way into our twentysomethings. What background sounds am I referring to, you ask yourself? I’m referring to this need men seem to have when you go ‘back to their place’ to automatically turn on their TV (for background noise) before your pretty much predetermined plan to get-it-on. The act always makes me wonder ‘really’? Why do we need the TV on?

I’ve compiled a brief list of the why’s that come to mind, though I must stress, these why’s don’t ever justify the action of turning the tv on. Ever:

- Is it to kill time until he has the balls to make the first move? Because the anticipation isn’t being built when Halloween is on in the background. If anything it acts as a distraction and prolong’s the inevitable act. You end up focussing on the plot and not your libido.

- Is it because it’s awkward to sit in silence? If that’s the case, then he shouldn’t be hooking up with you in the first place because it’s about to get much more awkward.

- Is it because he’s worried he’ll come off looking like horny schoolboy if he pounces on you the second you guys sit on the couch so he turns on the TV to look like a mench? Hey, I have an idea: Let’s pretend to watch something we both don’t care about watching and pretend that what’s about to happen isn’t about to happen. Because we all love to watch TV at 3 a.m.

- Is it because silence is daunting and he wants to use the sound from the TV as a distraction from the variety of sounds that come up when hooking up (yes, those bodily sounds that make even the most liberal-pornstar-of-a-girl shutter in humiliation.) If that’s the case dude, here’s a tip: throw on your iPod or the radio instead. If anything you can rock out to the beat of the tunes and actually ‘set a mood’ while your add it. There’s no mode killer better than a commercial for yeast infection cream coming on just when you were about to.

I’ve unfortunately had the displeasure of hooking up with a ‘background sound’ dude or two. See the catch 22 here is that the guy that needs to put on the TV is likely a guy your not hot-and-heavy with to begin with. So often, the TV is put on and it’s late at night and there’s nothing on but infomercials, soft-core porn and horror films. So the next sub-topic I want to tap into is, which of the three does TV boy choose to turn on?

My personal favourite choice was when a bed buddy of mine put on ‘Seven’ – you know, that thriller about a serial killer? I remember it was the final scene where Kevin Spacey was in the desert and opened up a box and in it was his wife’s head or something. Classy.

The TV has no place in a booty bound chill. Mind you, as soon as the action ensues, the TV only becomes noticeable if the guy is bad in bed, however, after the fact, when you realized you just banged to ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’, something just doesn’t sit as well. How’s that for an aftertaste?

- Jenny Jen

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