you’re the problem


It goes a little something like this. You want to know where all the babes are? Where those foxes you can meet, flirt with, more than flirt with, and ultimately date (if not just bang?) Have you caught yourself making comments to comrades like: “Toronto (or whatever city you reside in) sucks, and offers no class-act potential mates?” Does the home-screen on your phone house all the right dating apps so you can have the chance to actually meet someone you find physically attractive, with the swipe of a finger? Get your mind outta that gutter. I’m talking about the Tinders and the Bumbles and the Coffee Meets Bagels of the world? And yet despite the above, you can’t seem to find someone who you share any chemistry with. You end up with two hours of wasted time, and a bunch of material to share with your friends on how god-awful that face-to-face meeting was. How off their Tinder pic was, compared to what they actually look like. So we go back to our ways of blaming our city or categorizing others as undateable, oblivious to the fact that we are the oh-so-obvious problem. The common denominator in all these shit dates with shit people is you. #sorrynotsorry

What are we doing wrong? We’re on our goddamn phones. Duh.

Walking down the street, swiping left and left and, oops, left again and when you look up for a split second you realize the hunkiest of all hunks, the babeliest of all babes just walked by you. And you missed it. Because you just caught it a moment too late, since you were too caught up and busy with your phone, looking for people, even though people are right the fuck in front of you.

Take action. You don’t get if you don’t ask; if you don’t line yourself up for success. See a sure thing on Tinder and notice you have mutual friends. Stalk the shit out of them through your mutual friends Facebook friends list and just hit them up, because YOLO.  Bold is best. It gets the job done in one all-too-obvious way. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s pretty endearing and sweet and flattering for another. Own that shit. Hit it.

Is that too bold? Too aggressive? Too much for you to handle? Then just start with baby-steps and put that phone down when you’re somewhere where you can make an actual connection. And then do it. Connect. Whether you utter a super cheesy one-liner, or whether you compliment another, words and lines need not matter. It’s more so about a method. About planting the seed and then letting it play out. They may bite. They might not. But you don’t need to wait and wonder. Once you connect, feel out the chemistry and if there’s a fire there, be sure to tend to it. That is dating, my friends. That’s how we meet quality people.

Confidence is a magical thing. Hone in on yours and use it to your hearts advantage. You won’t be disappointed. That’s a guaranteed. Game on.

– Jen

Photo cred.

3 Responses to you’re the problem

  1. mike says:

    Personally, I’m 41 years old, I don’t use Tinder, Plenty of Fish, or any other dating site, and I actually look down on the people, namely a 22 year old guy I know who does, but that’s besides the point. Among many other negative things to do with dating that way, I see it as cheapening what is good about love and sex. It should never be that easy to get your pecker wet. Actually though, I am single, and for a long time, but it really is by choice. I AM confident though. I meet women a few times a year, as young as half my age and older who actually fall in love with me. I shoot them down without actually shooting them down, I’m flattered, who doesn’t want to feel attractive by a girl half their age at 41? It just never happens because I do nothing other than say “thank you…” and don’t ask for a phone # or get on it in any way. I dont let it happen. I’m aware of this while it’s happening. ALL beside the point, but I think it’s all much better when your not looking for it, and you find it, you chance upon it, rather than go looking for it and get it, which cheapens it. YOU, EVERYBODY DOES chance upon things, things that are good and right, outside the internet all the time too. All the time. It might only happen once or a few times a year, but it does happen as long as you’re out there. You can take it, and I have in the past, and it’s usually very good, or you can let it go and wait for the next one, maybe. I would have a real problem with a woman with all these apps on the home screen of her phone. I think that’s a pathetic way to find things. Like I said I look down on that one guy I know. I think its pathetic and weak willed to go through so much to get laid. He’s shown me pictures and I find it funny how every girl seems to look exactly the same. It’s like they all try to hit this cookie cutter look. Too much makeup. Too much skin. Too much everything. Too much fake, and not enough brain cells. It’s cheap.

    But yeah, one of the few things I agree with you on.

  2. Mike says:

    Oh look, I already commented, probably days ago. I’ll do it again. I am offended by the term “dating scene”. I think joining any “scene” that you didn’t create yourself, makes you unoriginal and lame. Scene….. Blah, blah, sheep. Why the hell do we need to date anyway? Honestly, the only reason I want any woman is to have sex, and then I’m good for 6 months or a year. How expensive is dating these days? Is it really worth your money? Seriously. Do you have any idea how many games I can buy for my xbox, for the price if dinner and whatever other crap she expects me to do? Probably a few “Ultimate Edition” games anyway. Also, do you think I want to keep up on keeping my place clean? Shit knows I DO NOT want to be nagged to death about it, which WILL happen. I can’t freaking handle it. I can’t so much as be asked to take the garbage out, nicely. In fact, the phrase “take the garbage out” is a “trigger phrase” for me. If I am not working, I don’t shower. That’s the other thing. I do not want to clean my apartment or shower. Maybe once every 6 months or so. I don’t do prostitutes though, so I like to spend a week cleaning my place, I take a shower, I wear something other than my one set of work clothers, I pick up the hottest non prostitue chick I find, because I clean up good, I’m hot, I do her every which way but Sunday, and then I ghost her.

  3. Mike says:

    I have ghosted female celebrities who seem to have made a career out of it, and I feared for my life. If I was wiser, I’d just become a monk at this point. Who plays xbox, never showers, or cleans his place. I can’t imagine having to clean my place on a regular basis including dusting. And I don’t do prostitutes. Not even high class hookers. My god. I’m ruined.

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