transitional times and the beauty of living

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Transitional times. Is there anything worse than? It seems that out of nowhere, something just hits you: It could be a feeling. It could be an energy. It could be a knowingness deep down in your gut; your instincts begging you to listen. It could be a voice in your head, a thought that comes over you in savasna at the end of your yoga practice, or it could be a well-meaning family member or friend saying it to you minus the sugar-coating they’ve tended to use in the past. It could come to you in a dream, and you wake up different knowing that the time is now. But whatever it is, and whatever form you receive it in, it’s telling you that it’s here. It’s time. Time to release whatever is pent up deep down under in the depths of your clouded soul. Time to let go. Time to move on. Time to make a big, notable change. Time to change your life as you know it. Time to forgive, and to come out stronger on the other, lighter end.

The time is now.

What are you holding onto that is no longer serving you? Where are you at in your life and is it exactly where you want to be? What are you doing day in and day out, out of routine or obligation that is not serving you? That’s holding you back? And what, prey-tell are you telling yourself that’s continuing to allow you to push aside and wait out your goals and dreams for the right time? Where the fuck is your hustle? Why are you settling? Why have you of all people become content and complacent? It’s a goddamn shame. It’s not you. And it’s not going to get better if you just let it continue as it is. You know it. I know it. And yet, only you can do something about it.

Let me give it to you straight up, my friend. The time is never right. You’ll never be ready to move across the country. To leave your past behind. To start writing your first book. To get over the love of your life. To leave your partner of years who is the greatest person in the world (whom you love), yet still you know is not for you. There’s never a right time for you to open up to your family about your failings and how they’ve failed you. There’s never a right time to finally start to get your old hot and taut body back. To stop partaking in activities and binge drinking and recreational drugs (whatever your drug of choice is). But if you want to move forward; if you want to grow, the time is now. Listen to that voice, that higher power within you and stop writing it off. To stop coming up with reasons that warrant you to keep things the same for now in hopes that eventually you’ll figure shit out. You won’t. It will be the same come Spring. I’m telling you. I know this now. So lets just accept that the time is now. Listen to that voice. Take action. Be brave. Go get it, whatever it might be. Whatever it means to you.

I don’t know about you but I’m tired. I’m so goddamn exhausted. I catch myself continuing to put things off, as I pleasantly float along in an unmotivated status quo existence. Most recently, I decided to sublet a furnished loft in my neighbourhood, a two-month quick fix to cover my inability to commit to something long term, including committing to myself. I’m tired of meeting deadlines and not chasing them, with that fierce, firey hustle that use to have me published in 5-10 different publications a week, let alone month. I’m disappointed at how content I’ve become, when now’s the time to work hard and play hard considering I’m currently not in a committed relationship, am childless and have no ties necessarily to my city other than my love and passion for my home team – go Jays go?

I didn’t come up with resolutions for the new year. I didn’t feel I needed to. But last weekend this wave came over me that now is my time to make this year my year. To make this year the year. Join me, will you? What if something comes up, something derails me? Or you? Then what. Where do all these wants and wishes and ability to do that in which we love go? I don’t know about you but it saddens me to even wonder that. So now, I’m going to try my very best to live and do and act and chase and work in my best interest. For my happiness, for my body, for my soul, for my future, for my health, for me.

When you give to yourself and fulfill yourself in all ways, it is only then that you will live a complete life. I’m ready to start living. Today is a new day. I’m ready to not waste it.

– Jen

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