Isn’t it awfully sad – when you really think about it and admit it to yourself – how you lose certain people in your life because you’ve added another into it? Small p politics, and so the story goes. A girl we were once friendly with finds out your bestie is dating her ex, and suddenly deletes you off all her social accounts and gives you that cut-eye look when she sees you out at an event. Perhaps going so-far as to whisper something to whoever is nearest her, while looking your way, with an intent to intimidate you and send the message home. Or that guy you used to hook-up with (and chill with on occasion) who found out you had a more-than fling with a close friend of his, and writes you off for whatever reason he tells himself he should, yet who still talks to his buddy, no doubt.
People and emotions and acting on them in-the-moment (and far after the fact) seem to all go hand and hand, and yet it’s all really rather petty if you think of it. And yet, people do it. They write you off because of whatever their insecurities are, and just like that you are left in the dust, innocent though you are. Because you’re human and can make your own decisions as an adult. But these consequences for just living? Are they really necessary? I thought we got out of high school long ago, so why all the drama?
I mean lets get real here. We’re in our thirties. We’re no spring chicken any longer. There are going to be overlaps, sexually and otherwise, because the world is all too small, and birds of a feather most definitely flock together. Must we all be so goddamn uptight and let something so inconsequential get the best of us that it tarnishes relationships of sorts, and makes us act with impure intentions when the other person comes up (either in person or in conversation?)
Get over it, and yourself. Accept that you don’t have the right or ownership to somebody you’re no longer even dating or with. If you were in a great, healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with someone than it’s one thing. But if things didn’t work out with you and them, why wouldn’t you want them to find someone cool who you already back to end up with? Why not let them be happy, without taking it personality and trying to find power and a one-up in controlling a situation beyond your control?
I’ll tell it to you straight up: People are going to bang your ex and someone is going to fall in love with them, who they might fall for in return. And you, no longer being with them, can and will not change that, try as though you might. This object of their affection might be someone you don’t know, but it will likely be someone you do. Acting on jealousy or insecurity or in a negative way, and treating them negatively because of it has the opposite effect of what you’re likely going for. It makes you look weak. It makes you look like the world revolves around you, and I’m sorry to report that it doesn’t.
So be the bigger person. Realize this isn’t about you and never was. Realize that two people met without the intention of harming you in anyway, and just followed their instincts on how to act accordingly. There’s no reason to cut someone from your life because of small p politics. If we did that, no one would have any friends any more. The overlap is real, and the sooner you accept it, the happier and less drama free everyone in your little social circle will be.