self sabotage, the allure of that same old dance


Relationships are but a dance. And not a Drake to Hotline Bling dance, but more of a flow. A step here, a move there. It’s coordination. It’s balance. It’s playful. And at times, it could be downright challenging. But the steps each person in the partnership make have an impact on the choreography that follows. On how the other will move accordingly. The hope is that the moves will flow into each other easily, creating a natural movement and organic growth. But at times, if the wrong step is made, it throws off the entire routine, making the moves choppy. Isolated. Unrehearsed. Lacking precision; lacking passion.

On the stage that is your life, there are many moves you can make. The goal is to keep the spotlight on your heart, body and mind at all times, to ensure your scene doesn’t fade to black too soon, the big, red, velvet curtains coming to an abrupt close. Cue violin, or aggressively strummed bass for that matter.

When we start to see someone new, it’s ever so easy to project past hurts and self sabotage while we’re at it. As adults we are so very aware of why relationships past have come to an end. We know our flaws and where our learned patterns – when it comes to dating – fail us and push away potential partners. We are haunted by ghosts of girlfriends and boyfriends past, because we feel like – since our actions (or lack thereof) ruined a good thing many a time before – that it will of course play out in relationships anew. We’ve been trained to think that way because it happens each and every goddamn time.

So what do we do? We got lost in the madness of our wondrous – and often times destructive – minds. We analyze. We assess. We question whether or not we deserve the love, attention, affection and admiration of someone new, who doesn’t really know us down to the inner workings of our fucked-up psyche. And then we take a step back. Because we are our own worst enemies. Ruled more so by our imagined thoughts than our gut feelings.

It is absolutely paramount to catch yourself before you take action. Before you take action that can ruin a good thing, derived solely by your emotions and not by actual reason. Not by your intuition. So fucking do your damn best to just trust your gut. Let it act as a guide. Write off words and worries, concerns and composed conundrums and just be present. Present to the gift that is whatever the situation is  that you’ve someway or another found your pretty-little-self in. The prize that is the person you’re putting your time towards. We meet new people all the time for all sorts of reasons. I like to believe in fate and the idea that people enter our world just when we need them to. Just to help us see things differently, to give us a new perspective. To act as a mirror into ourselves, and to then challenge and motivate us to continue to grow.

Dance. Embrace the dance. The movements. The smile of another while getting down to the movements, whether they are sauntering around on dates, or actually dancing with them in a darkly lit place, rock’n’roll playing in the background as you create your own little romantic moment, oblivious to the world, people and super un-romantic scene surrounding you. And try your damn best to catch yourself when you want to make an abrupt shift or sudden change in the ebb and flow of what is. Because you of all people deserve to have it all. The love. The lust. The flutter of the experience that you’re all too wrapped up in. Savour, don’t suppress. Embrace, don’t push away.

– Jen

Photo cred.

One Response to self sabotage, the allure of that same old dance

  1. Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

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