pursue + pin down

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We’re at an age where we know what we like and what we don’t when it comes to a romantic partner. We know what we’re looking for, and are able to accept when we’ve found someone worth investing in, whether it be our time, our energy, our attention, or otherwise. If someone seems to catch our eye, we can be bold, brazen babes and pursue them without shame. We can hit ‘em up, find out if they’re single, see if the conversation flows and if they’re biting at our bite, and then take it from there to book ‘em in and see if this online or via text flirtation translates into the real world. For what is there to lose? Our egos aren’t tarnished by someone not responding to our interest. If they’re not game nor interested, they weren’t right for us anyways. Their loss, not ours. Ah well. Next!

But if they’re interested, and you meet up, and the chemistry is there and the banter is good, and you can’t stop staring at those hands, those lips, that hair, that beard, then it all seems to happen and play out pretty fucking fast.

We’re able to use our instincts to guide us and help us determine whether this person has good energy, and suits are needs, whatever they may be. And if they do, we plunge into them head first, leaving our heart and mind behind.

This is dating in our thirties. Done are the days of playing coy. Of waiting for someone else to make the move. Of liking a slew of their Insta pictures hoping to catch their eye. Passive aggressiveness is a term that’s no longer in the confident persons vocabulary. It’s all about making our intentions known, straight up, and seeing borderline immediately if there’s a mutual connection, or not and then taking it from there.

Done are the days of playing games and waiting a few hours to text them back to make them worry and wonder why they haven’t heard from us. We respond pretty much the same second the text gets in. It’s not that we’re desperate and have been waiting for their message to come through, but instead we just always seem to have our phones by our side, so why not respond when the message comes in? This is how we converse in person, why should it be any different via text?

Sure you meet someone and you’re in a sort of inbetween relationships point in your life, and you want something casual so you accept and set the tone for a casual relationship to ensue. And that’s fine. But when there’s something electric between you and another, and the feeling and respect and desire is mutual, then things just happen hella fast. And I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sure, I’m a gemini. And I’m a very all or nothing type. But it’s more than that. It’s intuition and energy and understanding. The reality is that when you meet someone and you’re on the same page and you’re at this age, then things move at a quick pace. It’s not abnormal or aggressive to spend back to back days and nights together. It’s not intense to introduce them to your squad, and to meet theirs, within the first week of seeing each other. It’s not too forward to ask if and when they’re free this weekend, and to tell them you can’t get enough of them. Just be you. Just be real. Play it out organically and express your wants and needs.

If the object of your affection is a prize worthy of your admiration, they will get back to you. They’ll book you in. They’ll be just as enthusiastic to see you too. If not, don’t write them off immediately, just be mindful of their lack of availability or pursuit and be open minded to how you feel if and when they’re available. But don’t analyze. Don’t pull back. Don’t act in ways that aren’t true to yourself to come off as the cool/calm/collected type. If you know you’re into someone, the pace is what it is. It’s often fast and it can die just as fast. And that’s A-OK. We’ve wasted a shitton of time of years past anyways to take a good thing slow anyways. Jump in. Soak it up. Embrace it for what it is.

– Jen

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