over it

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And just like that you wake up, and nothing. It’s as if the ghost of him past has left, now that Halloween has come and gone. You weren’t expecting it to leave – the idea of him. You were expecting yourself to continue doing what you were. Hitting him up here and there via text message and phone calls. Checking in. Seeing what up. Reaching out. A reminder that you still exist and you’re still thinking of him, even if things didn’t work out fully how you expected them to. Even if distance or life has kept you apart. That you’re around and a part of you wants him to be yours. That you’re willing to put in the efforts even if you maybe scared him away. Even if he has a bit of a self-inflicted wall up. But then, one day, totally unprompted your feelings for him – or your attempt to chase – are gone.

And what a relief it is. Because although it’s heartwarming to have strong feelings of love and adoration for another, it’s only so nice when your efforts are acknowledged, appreciated and returned. And yet, we can’t help who we fall for, and the same is said for how long it takes to get over them. Some people take months, others only days. And so, to just like that no longer wonder what they’re doing/if they’re thinking about you, when you’ll see them next, etc etc etc., it’s as if you’ve miraculously hit the reset button, without even trying.

We often don’t realize how much the idea of someone holds us back. Makes us unavailable to other suitors, even if we’re smile clad and out and about on an autumn’s eve. People sense that shit; when your heart or head are elsewhere. Fake it though you might, chances are you’re not putting on the poker face you wish you were. So with this flood of feelings gone, you now have all that energy to give towards the suitors who will serve you better. Who see you, and all your qualities, and want to pursue that shit. Lucky them. Lucky you. You have all that energy to put into other things, things that will give back to you and help you move forward and grow, not hold you back in an uncertain state.

So what gives? Why is it that we just wake up one day and no longer care? Is it a few unanswered texts that lead to the realization that you’re not a priority? Is it catching yourself making efforts on grand gestures for them, only to question why you’re doing that if they aren’t going out of their way to show you or make you feel like the prize you so very are?

I for one, am someone who loves love and so when I fall in it (or something like it) it becomes paramount to me to be attentive to my partner and give them things they wish for, but wouldn’t necessarily do for themselves. I take note of the things they say, their wishes, their wants and their needs, and I go out of my way to tend to them without being prompted in any other ways other than just listening to them. I do this not because I’m asked, nor because I’m expected to, but it makes me so very happy and fulfilled to fulfill another and make them smile. Simple as that.

But – like magic – as quick as they came into our lives, is just as quick as they exit. Because the idea of another and making it work can’t sustain itself when it’s one sided. Eventually, the person on the giving end comes to a sudden realization that they deserve more. That they want more. That they need more. We catch ourselves going out of our way to do something for them, and  then feel stupid as we plan, because why are we rewarding behaviour that isn’t even good? When you go above and beyond for another when they’re not even making you feel of importance or value, you’re teaching them it’s ok to treat you that way if you reward them with love, material goods or whatever else it is (maybe sex?) so some part of your mind suddenly says fuck that. And just like that, there they go. And that’s where we find ourselves. A weight lifted off our shoulder. Catching eyes with another across the way – and feeling a little hot and bothered – and that maybe you want to act on that flirtation, instead of writing it off because your heart is with another.

There is no secret or magical way of getting over someone, but goddamn is it a great fucking feeling when you just wake up one morning on the first day of a new month and suddenly just feel nothing. Time to reactivate those dating apps, baby girl. You’ve got a month to plan!

– Jen

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