It’s been a year and they have no idea. No idea that you’ve been secretly referring to them as your boyfriend to your closest friends who watch you shamelessly flirt with him whenever you’re at his place of employment (as you’ve been doing for the past year.) No idea that you’ve wanted him at all (except maybe for that one time one of your girls clicked the tell-tale heart on 25 or so Instagram pics of theirs all at once, for shame!) No idea that in high school, you wanted nothing more than to be his bae (and maybe have it) but thought that since he was older, and since he was sort of a big deal, that he wouldn’t know you exist.
So what do you do? You keep quiet. You don’t tell the guy how you really feel because – as in the cases above – you don’t want to shit where you eat and make things awkward, causing him to either up and quit or worse, for you to have to find a new home away from home to be a regular at. You don’t want to try to pursue him on Instagram in case he’s not single (his 6 year old daughter had to have come from some baby mama or another?) You don’t want to tell that guy from high school (that you’re now friends) with that you thought he was above you, because really that was such a long term fantasy from so many years ago that perhaps it’s better left in the safety of your wandering mind.
And so, you stay mum because of all of these ideas and ideals in your head, none of which may have any validity to them. And as time goes on these crushes just grow and grow (out of time and intrigue) until you realize something’s got to give. Because this Long Term Crush, or what I like to refer to as LTC is stuck in your head. And the idea of him is holding you back a bit because, even if you meet a great and grand guy, you’ll still be curious since LTC guy hasn’t sowed any oats with you.
But that’s easier said than done. Because not only do we fear rejection, but we have the sense now to not make others uncomfortable or put them in an awkward position. So month after month, each visit to their workplace, or a snap of theirs that shows up on your Insta feed, causes you further frustration as you try to figure out how and if to navigate your feelings. You may hint. You may flirt. You may click the heart. But you’re not being proactive as you might, and since it’s already been such a LTC as it is, you keep putting it off.
A funny thing with the high school crush guy. I recently reconnected with mine. We ran into each other at a show (I had a boyfriend at the time) and I reached out on Facebook a few months later (when single) to say it was nice running into him and to let me know when he’s back in town from tour. He told me he was in the city and we met up, where, a good 16 years later he told me he had a huge crush on me in high school, going into detail on the first time he saw me, what I was wearing, who he asked about me, etc. Go fucking figure.
This, my friends, is a tale as old as time. So what, prey tell, are we waiting for?
If you’re single, and you know they are, and you’re not crossing any boundaries, the time is now. Because they might feel the same way. And they might not, and you’ll handle it like a classy adult just like you are, but then you’ll know. And maybe he might be just as into you and you meet right after you confess to him and then have a night out and have nothing to talk about, and no chemistry, and try to hook up anyways because he’s been in your head for over a year, and then realize you wasted a year liking and waiting around for someone you don’t even have any chemistry with. How silly! Am I convincing you to get’r done, or not?
People can’t read minds. And if passive is not a word you’d use to describe your go-get-em rockstar self, why are you being passive when it comes to your heart? Why is it that your work life is booming, you’re surrounded by the great, strong, inspiring friends, you’ve traveled a ton, and yet you can’t pull the plug and tell someone how you really feel? The time is now. Before this year wraps up in just over a month. Perhaps you’ll have someone to ring in New Years and the holidays with. Or perhaps you can move forward into the new year with a weight off your shoulders (that need not be on ‘em in the first place if you were just to speak up.)
No need for a grand, in person, plotted out confession. Just shoot them a text or message via social and see if they’re free to grab a drink or something casual.. Or go right for it and ask if they’re single and take it from there. That question alone speaks volumes. But if you want something to come of this fantasy in your head, do something about it. Hinting at it isn’t enough.