i don’t want to hear it

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The talk. The dreaded talk that some way or another ends up coming up after you’ve spent a shit ton of time with that newfound fling in your flirty, little life. No one likes the ominous talk. Because with the talk comes the chance to ruin a good thing. The loss of presumed freedom. The idea that you’ll have to conform to the ideals that are unspoken and set upon us when we make the decision to be in a monogamous relationship. A partnership. Half of a twosome.

How exhausting.

So you don’t bring it up and you hope to god they don’t bring it up so you can just do you, with other options at your finger tips, should you choose to engage in that sort of thing. No strings attached is great both in theory and in practice, so long as you’re on the same page with the person (or people, cough cough) that you’re seeing. Part of being on the same page is letting things play out as they do, rolling with the punches and not rocking the boat with having the often-doomed talk. Not trying to figure out where you stand but solely appreciating your time together. Being present. Being. When we remove pressure in the relationships in our lives – friendships, romantically, and otherwise –  things tend to work in our favour. When you push, you push away, so the story goes. And goes and goes. We’ve heard it. We’ve lived it. Lets fucking accept that shit for once; for all.

We’re living in a time where people seem to have a roster of people they’re seeing all at the same time. We’re no longer putting our eggs into one boring and blase basket. And that’s ok. It’s a common theme in the dating world these days, so if you want to keep afloat it’s time to roll with it. Let it roll. It’s nothing to take personally, so don’t take it as such.

What it comes down to is you and how you feel. How do you feel when you’re in their presence? Are you smiling? Or are you silently suffering? So long as you feel like there’s some sort of magic between you two, and you have their undivided attention and affection during the time you share together, you need not rush to lock it down. Just let it be and allow things to play out organically and take it from there.

But I understand, that many people need more. They that want that title, that something more. Perhaps it’s a reassurance thing, or it could be something extra. For those of you in this camp, bring up the talk only if you can accept that, if you don’t hear what you want, that you’re willing and able to walk away and find someone who wants the same thing as you. We teach people how to treat us when we start dating them, by what we’re willing to put up with. You deserve all of that that you long for. Don’t sell yourself short. Be mindful. Be aware. Trust your instincts.

You can always tell if someone wants to be with you. They may not have time for you, but they make time anyways. They even go so far as to cancel and switch around plans to fit your schedule. They initiate conversation and banter for no reason other than to just ensure they’re on your mind. They call you and contact you in an even and balanced way that you do to them. Realize these things. Know when you’ve got something good going on and my god, just let it be. A song by The Beatles.

– Jen

Photo cred.

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